When many people think Obsessive Compulsive Disorders (OCD) the character Adrian Monk in the show Monk comes to mind. They think of the person who is completely disabled by his or her compulsiveness. However there are many people, such as myself, who battle disorders that are at times disabling but yet not so much that the rest of the world recognizes them as such.
No one knew of my compulsiveness. It was something that I did well at hiding and really did not thin of it as a disorder until it began effecting my ability to rest or get to work on time. I am not sure why I have the disorder but will analyze the possible reasons later on.
To know me one would never know I had the issues that I have but I used to be very compulsive about checking to make sure things were taken care of in my home such as making sure the doors were locked, the stove was off and things like that. Of course everyone is cautions and makes sure that things are off before going to bed but I went beyond that, I was obsessed without realizing that I was.
It started out simple. I would make my rounds evey night before bed.I checked the doors to make sure they were locked, checked the stove to make sure it was off and in the morning when I left for work I double checked the coffee pot and my curlers to make sure they were both off. I also checked my door to make sure it was locked before I left the house.
Normal things right, yes they were but as time progressed and now also related to the stress in my life, I began over checking. I would check the stove at night, the doors and such. Then I would go to bed and have to get up and check them again. I did the same in the morning, I checked the coffee pot, curlers and door twice.
As time progressed I checked all of these things more than twice. Sometimes I would have checked every ting a couple of times and after laying in bed for a while get up to check them again. I even checked the stove when I had not used it at all that day. I would go to bed and get up to check things again. It got so bad that I would get very little sleep because I was checking thins so often.
This did not end with night time rituals. I started double and more than double checking the doors and coffee pot etc before heading to work. At first I would get to the car and have to go back to double check the door. Sometimes I had to unlock the door to go inside and check the coffee pot again. It was not like I was just worried, I could not leave the house unless I went back inside.
My morning routine got so bad finally that I would be late for work or have to start my routine 15 minutes before time to leave. I would check things, check them again and then as I was a few miles down the road I had to turn back to check everything all over again.
I had no clue what was wrong with me but I knew that it was stressful and I think related to the stress in my life. I had never even heard much about OCD at the time, I just knew that I felt like I could not function if I did not check things over and over and over again.
Luckily one day while I was watching TV a show came on about OCD and I decided to watch. What little I knew about it was that people washed their hands over and over and things like that. But, someone on there had behaviors similar to mine and what I learned helped me out tremendously.
I will write about my OCD "cure" in the next post.
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